All diets work. I don’t have any diets to suggest to you, but I have suggestions to keep the weight off, an area of weight management that most people fail. I am not going to bore you with such such and such studies while swearing on a stack of diet books to tell you keeping weight off sucks.
The foremost measure I can recommend in keeping weight off is to step on the scale and record your weight everyday. This daily ritual tells you whether you need to undergo a caloric deficit for the day or that you can extend happy hour.
You should probably step on the scale about the same time every day to ensure some semblance of accuracy. I almost step on the scale after I make my daily dedication, usually to some scoundrel who has wronged me recently or in the past or even whom I slightly suspect.
I can hold a grudge like gravity on the planet Exes. In fact, once a year, I inflict powerful mojo upon those currently on my toxic shit list. Sometimes, I continue my mojo assault upon those who have taken the eternal ten count. I got the idea from bomb pilots who lovingly scrolled the names of their intended targets like Hussein and bin laden. Those making my anti-all-star team include the coach who cut me three times from the high school baseball team and publishers and editors who have rejected my stories and poems.
Instead of scrolling names on today’s bombs, which by the way sounds like bingo calls, I carve my enemies names on tree stumps and roll them down from my mountain top, wishing a laundry list of inflictions upon them, usually including a heaping helping of hemorrhoids. I figure if they want to make a morning tribute to me, they are going to pay for it.
Reading your blood pressure every day is also a way, we can keep our numbers in control whether by rest, exercise, fun, relaxation, mindfulness, meditation or by the good, old-fashioned evolutionary way of finding peace of mind by revenge, kind of what I practice once in a while when I take roll call.
I call this The Publishers’ Clearinghouse
